How to Deal With Nosy Family Members Asking when You're Starting a Family

Often newlyweds or young monogamous couples have to deal with prying family member questions about when they plan to have a baby. And if you choose to delay having children (or not have them at all), as the years pass, some family members start to see it as their crusade to ensure you "haven't forgotten" this part of your life! Since it should be no one’s business but yours, you will need to handle the situation with finesse and perhaps even a little humor.

Note that this article is directed towards couples who have not decided against having children just yet; in that case, see How to defend your choice to be childless.

Edit Steps1Expect at least someone in the family to be nosy and impatient enough to start asking you as a newlywed or as a long-term partnered couple, when you plan on having children. Expecting it in advance means that you can be ready for the possibility and have some appropriate replies prepared. Keep in mind that while much of this badgering is good-willed, for some people it's brought on as a result of familial narcissism or family "empire-building". Whatever the motivation, you do not need to do as they say.2Present a united front. Your spouse or partner and you should know how you both plan to answer this question, even if you have yet to be approached with it as a couple. Have a private discussion with your mate about how you would like to answer. In some cases, you may want to tell your family just to mind their own business. However, many couples may say that they're planning to start a family after certain events occur (such as being promoted at work, after having bought a house, etc.). Either way, have a heart-to-heart with your honey and make some plans so you know when you want to start a family.3Practice exactly what you will say. So that you don’t say one thing and your spouse or partner says something else, prepare how you will address the question. Determine how much information you’ll provide and how you will answer. For example, you might agree that you'll only keep it very general, such as saying after you achieved a few goals, instead of listing each goal (new job, promotion, move, etc.).4Answer with a lighthearted and perhaps even silly response. Telling people that you plan to start a family when you hit the lottery or when gay marriage is legal in all 50 states may diffuse the tension in the room and let family members know you are not seriously considering children just yet.Be elusive. Have fun with your prying family and be secretive by saying,

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